In this day and age good satire is hard to find. Brilliant satire is a pearl of great price.
This spoof letter by famed theologian Rosemary Radford Ruether is, I think you’ll agree, a pearl of great price.
I found this precious gem on the katholica YahooGroup where the ever vigilent Earlene Mara posted it.
We are all in your debt, Earlene.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And to Rosemary Radford Reuther what can we say in the presence of such brillance?
Thank You, Thank you, Thank you are not enough but more appropriate words escape me at this late hour in the evening.
Read it, enjoy it, marvel at it, and weep, weep, weep.
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Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:32 am (PDT)
This has been making the rounds, and many have believed it to be true.
*Women’s Ordination as a delicta graviora*
(Private Vatican notes on the impending statement on sexual abuse, leaked by a woman secretary charged with typing the statement)
Your excellencies, we are gathered here to determine a statement on canonical procedures for how dioceses should handle priests who sexually abuse children. It is unfortunate that we have to continue to engage in this issue. It is clearly being blown out of proportion by forces in the media and secular society hostile to the Holy Roman Catholic Church. But because this issue continues to be raised, it is important for our public image that we appear to be taking this seriously. We should issue a statement that appears to be giving new and firm guidelines for dealing with this issue, without making any significant changes in the way we handle it.
One of the greatest things about the Holy Roman Catholic church is that we never really change. We need to handle this issue of sexual abuse by priests in the same way we have been dealing with it for 2000 years.
However we propose adding some other issues to this statement about other grave crimes having to do with sexual abuse. The one that particularly needs to be dealt with is the supposed “ordination of women.” This is a horrifying development and it seems to be out of control, especially in the United States, where the people lack authentic Catholic values of obedience to authority. We understand that some fifty women and some sexually deviant men have attempted to be ordained pseudo-priests and even pseudo-bishops, a travesty that belies the fundamental meaning of ordination and is creating scandal in our churches.
As we know from our oldest tradition, women are not only not allowed to be ordained to any level of priestly orders, but they are actually incapable, by their very female nature, of receiving the sacrament of Holy Orders.
Thomas Aquinas clarified this in the 13th century. He elucidated the fact that women are fundamentally defective, biologically, morally and mentally, by the very manner in which they are conceived, in which the male formative power fails to fully shape the passive female matter and so a defective being or woman develops. Of course, we can’t say this directly any more, because of the power of retrograde feminism in society, but we know this is the case and has always been the case, intended by God from the creation of the world.
To attempt to ordain a woman is similar to attempting to ordain a monkey or a kangaroo. It simply wouldn’t “take.” Besides this, and this is what we particularly need to address in this document, such attempted ordination is a deep sacrilege that is an offense against the very holiness of the sacrament of Holy Orders. To put a bishop’s hands on a woman as if to ordain her is comparable to sexual abuse of a child. In fact it is worse than sexual abuse of a child. The abuse of children by priests is a regrettable moral slip by weak individuals, doubtless sexual deviants, which happens frequently, and is best dealt with by sending the priest for a short period of counseling and then transferring him to another parish. He should not be dropped from the priesthood if possible. Priests are valuable and their numbers are dropping. They possess through their ordination the invaluable power of confecting the Eucharist. So we should lose as few of them as possible.
By contrast to attempt to ordain a woman is not only a sexual offense in the laying of the sacred hands of the bishop upon the polluted body of a woman. But it is a vicious contradiction of the very nature of Holy Orders, a sacrilege, as I said before. It is this aspect that makes it so much worse than the minor moral slips in which priests abuse children.
This is why we need to include this issue in our statement on sexual abuse.
It is abuse on a much deeper level than the merely physical. It is an outrage against our whole sacred hierarchy of holy orders. We need to stop it immediately and cast those who have done it firmly outside our borders.
Unfortunately they don’t seem to be listening to us. By including this issue in our statement, the whole church will be alerted to the graveness of this crime, and immediately cast these desecrated people outside the church, revealing that they lack any relation to God mediated through the sacraments which we alone control. Once again: Rome has spoken. The case has ended.